Decision Time for Nickelodeon
Is it time to put the old 'Morals Clause' back into contracts with children?

The one immediate positive impact following the announcement of Jamie Lynn Spears’ pregnancy is that her mother’s proposed book, “Motherhood in the Spotlight,” has been cancelled.

Thank God for small favors. If Lynne’s book had been published still more naïve and inexperienced parents might have brought their young ‘uns to the sacrificial alter. Don’t be misled. There are plenty of parents out there who think that what is happening to Jamie Lynn Spears and her sister is “way cool.”

What does the publicity machine surrounding Jamie mean, exactly, when they tell us this sixteen year-old has been impregnated by her “long-time boyfriend?” What is a “long time” for a sixteen year old?

The gossip rags are frothing with reports that call into question the actual parenthood of Jamie’s developing child. A lot of bloggers think the Spears family reaction has been too slick. TMZ says Jamie and Casey have been an off and on proposition as a couple for the past few months, at least according to unnamed “insiders.” There is a lot of speculation regarding an executive associated with the show.

“How long has this been going on?” one can fairly ask. Recent reports have had Casey and Jamie living together in both Louisiana and California, even apartment hunting. They are said to have met three years ago…at church. Jamie is a minor, and she shoots her series, “Zoey 101,” in California where the rules say she must attend school, work under a work permit, and have a parent or guardian “within sight and sound at all times.” Statutory Rape is still on the books in California.

Our pal, Alison Arngrim, sent me the blustering letter dispatched by Jamie’s attorneys last July when early reports of a pregnancy first surfaced about Jamie. If this situation weren’t so damn sad it would be laughable.

I quote the lawyer’s July ’07 letter to the National Enquirer:
“Ms. Spears is a devout Christian with a spotless reputation, who lives in accordance with the highest moral and ethical standards in accordance with her faith. There is no “rumor” concerning Ms. Spears’ (non-existent) pregnancy, except perhaps for the baseless “rumor” just now being created by the National Enquirer. Ms. Spears is not pregnant. It is pathetic for the National Enquirer to attempt to create a wholly baseless “rumor” that Ms. Spears is pregnant, so it can run a malicious story and false story which would be emotionally devastating to a morally upright 16 year old girl.”

Thankfully there is a writer’s strike going on so Hollywood’s creative community can’t be called upon to “spin” Jamie’s character on “Zoey 101” into some miraculously crafted plot twist that mollifies the millions of “tweens” that adore this show, let alone their parents. No, it’s up to Corporate Nickelodeon (a division of Viacom, remember) to decide what to do with a young girl who’s both famous and pregnant well before her time.

What’s it going to be, Nickelodeon? This is your call. In loco parentis certainly applies here. If this pregnancy is a product of a long-term deception…and I’ll remind you that you’ve employed this child since 2005…and if others in your employ looked the other way while this sort of behavior took place, then it’s time to make amends, Big Time.

For millions of ‘tweens’ and their parents this pregnancy is fraught with peril. Do not make the mistake of under-estimating the impact this news will have on a generation’s worth of pre-adolescent females.

In that spirit, and for what it’s worth, I’ll offer up some unsolicited advice:
Cancel “Zoey 101.” Announce casting calls for “Zoey 102.”
Hold Jamie Lynn Spears to the full term of her contract with the network, which I believe runs another four years, but don’t let her work.
Send Jamie home to Louisiana to have this baby and insist that she not work for anyone else for the next four years.
Take this child to Court if she or her “handlers” take a single dime for baby photos or “exclusive interviews” as a material breech of her Zoey employment contract.
Supply her with competent tutors and professional therapists for the duration of the contract.
Nickelodeon is on the hook in this one, folks. They must agree to pay while the Fame fades.

Is this expensive? You bet.

But, look at it this way, Nickelodeon/Viacom. Doing the right thing now will diffuse the questions that are certain to arise in the coming months…things like, who was Jamie’s guardian on the set for the past two years, her mother or her boyfriend? Who paid the set teacher, the person charged with guarding “the health, safety and morals of the Minor?” Or, more telling still for the so-called adults surrounding Jamie, ask the Watergate Question: “What did you know and when did you know it?”

And when you start casting “Zoey 102,” do background checks on the starry-eyed families that bring you their little ones. Only hire talent with experience and intelligence, including writers and producers, actors and craft-people, all of whom must have bulletproof resumés.

And for God's sake, put the morals clause back in your contracts.